How the Best Man Series Invites us to Embrace the Journey of Womanhood

How the Best Man Series invites us to Embrace the Journey of Womanhood

Maclom D Lee did exactly what he probably intended to do and that was to get the people talking and deeply invested in Harper, Lance, Murch, Quentin,  Robyn, Mia, Jordan. He made it so easy to get lost and intrigued by this 20 year old storyline. 

The original Best Man gave us insight into adulthood.. Marriage, friendship, relationships, career and LIFE! Of course it’s obvious by the name ,the focus is brotherhood and that is beautiful and complex in its own right and nothing I have the authority to speak about being I am not a brother!

Life, the messy , beautiful chaos and all that THAT entitles , these characters brought it to our attention and what I love most and what I think we all did in some capacity, is that it is relatable. I don;t know about you but I also just love seeing my people on screen looking healthy and rich!

We have been so deeply invested in these characters that we can’t fathom some of their true colors. For me, I really need to know about this mix and mingling of partners over the years. Mia and Harper first, then Mia eventually marries Lance.. Murch and Shleby were together for 7 years ! However, she and Quentin are married. But I digress lol  One insight I walked away with in my pocket  from the Best Man Final Chapter  is , can we thank God for grace because we are NOT where we were when we were in our 20s lol

In addition to grace . There was a lot of talk about Robyn and how she was the villain” and me being me, I started to reflect on the entire women cast and journey of the Best Man series. In particular the  life of a late 20 / 30 year old woman navigating relationships, friendships and everything in between.. Even though I am no longer in my 20s lol I could see something similar to myself, and other women I’ve come into contact with in each one of those characters in some capacity.

First up is Jordan…

Jordan started off as a career driven, focused, God mom, independent boss . We were introduced to this powerhouse and watched her navigate her love life and her infatuation with Harper. Fast forward to the Final Chapter, Jordan has all the accolades a media boss could desire, She has now realized how fast life has been moving and focused on climbing the corporate ladder she has overlooked something super important .. herself.  Jordan has now realized she needs to do better because of some health challenges and she also wants to have a  family of her own .  Jordan’s life has been about checking the boxes and climbing until she can;t no more! 

What I love most about Jordan is she never once apologizes for it. There is beauty in being your most authentic self unapologetically.  The evolution of Jordan has shown us how important love, career and self are all.

Second up is Candice…

Candice Formerly known as CANDY ! ( although I’m convinced she still got it! )  is how we were introduced to her and can we talk about metamorphosis! When I think of the OG Candy I think of the players club when Ebony said  “I’m just here to dance and DATS  it” . In the original Best man that's what she came to do DANCE and make you feel like she was in love with you. Although that's how we met her we got a glimpse to see Candice was focused  on her education and was a lover of literature.  Candy did her job and did it well and married Murch and had his beautiful babies. In this season she has completed her undergraduate education and she is now married and starting a new chapter as a wife, mom and doctoral student. YESS!! ….However,  in this moment of finding her groove, the connection between her husband and herself has got a little lukewarm due to them both trying to protect each other and the sacredness of being “Black in America” . 

She holds so much in and focuses so hard on asserting herself in her doctorate program that she has neglected her spouse's emotional needs. In the midst of this neglecting she also experiences being violated  by someone she truly trusted as a mentor. All this hard work now has to come to a stop, she must pivot and delay her dream a little longer . What I love most about their dynamic is the individuality and collectivism all in one. The evolution of Candy has taught us that your journey doesn't have to look like everyone else, you can have the desires of your heart and be AMAZING at it no matter how long it takes!

Our girl Robyn is next,

Robyn *disclaimer I’ve never been married nor have kids * .. The original  best man opens with Robyn smitten over Harper in the bathtub from his most recent work travel  .. she says that she could spend forever with him.. And there's a dead silence from Harper as if he's hesitant to confirm forever.. She takes him to the airport and says “ I know you love me” and she's not insecure .. She has been shown Harper is not emotionally there at the very beginning of their relationship yet she “keeps hope alive” Harper even proposed to her at Lance’s wedding (red flag) . The clues were there. I don’t doubt Harper loves Robyn or he loves how she makes him feel ( that’s another topic for later) Robyn in the Final Chapter had reached her threshold . She has internally or out loud been screaming at the top of her lungs ``choose me” and the shouting has fallen on deaf ears (Harper’s)  So she did what she “felt was best even when it could possibly be a hot mess.. She didn’t know, she just knew she was tired.

Robyn most certainly can come off as the villian .. She got tunnel vision and appeared selfish. Her decision boiled down to  putting herself first as the only option because she hasn't felt she has been put first in her relationship. It gets tricky because there is a child involved.  What is obvious in Harper and Robyn’s relationship is the complexity of effort in  a partnership.. Somedays, some years, some months  it's 80/20 love 40/ 70 love  if you’re TEDDY  Pendagrass you want that 50/50 love  but how long is too long to play that limbo game ? The answer is as long as you want to.. and Robyn said time was up . Love wasn’t enough. In fact, Robyn let Harper know in the original Best man “ I may not bet perfect but, I am strong.”What if she chose to stay in NY and having to be in the same state as her ex husband who is OVERLY smitten (never ending) with one of his best friends . That hurt everyday I can’t imagine.. ( but him proposing at his best friends wedding was the sign to run sis)))!! Lol . The evolution of Robyn has taught us quite a bit but, my favorite is can’t nobody tell you how to live , only you can do that.  

Next up is Shelby 

Shelby. We were introduced to Shelby as the most annoying girlfriend  of Murch in The Original Best Man. She wanted what she wanted and she picked the right one. Easy going , push over Murch. NO ONE liked Shelby, they tolerated her because of Murch. Shelby has always been this  firecracker who knows what she likes. We never got to see the full humanity of Shelby in the past series because she wasn’t written that way which makes her storyline that more interesting.  In the final chapter we got to see more of the human side of Shelby. Her fighting to not show her vulnerability had caused her to lie for She is vulnerable , a good friend, wife, a mom figuring things out, reality star and a good secret keeper  for many many years she kept this secret about her child's father / uncle relationship with Quentin . She is so focused on self that the true substance of her got lost.  SHelby was running away from the aging clock  that was holding her captive to the past. she knows how to get to the bag and who to get it from. We go to see Shelby love deep and loud. I love her and Quentin’s interesting dynamic. They are authentically chaotic and love each other deeply. The evolution of Shelby has taught us to be true to who you are , embrace the changes and strive to be your most authentic self everyday even if everyone else doesn’t agree.

Lastly is Mia, 

Mia-  In the original Best Man Mia was the soft spoken , apparent virgin that was swept away by this football player.  Unlike Shelby, everyone LOVED Mia. Mia stayed 10 toes down while Lance ran through a few , She loved being portrayed as the “good girl “ she held that title down all the way to the end. I would’ve loved to see more of Mia and her authentic self loose at a girls night or something!

  You ever wonder why she wasn’t given as much heat as Harper ?! Why didn't she get questioned , Harper almost got thrown over the balcony at Lance’s bachelor party for this and here is Mia not being held accountable at all LOL but we’ve admired or at least have been wrapped in being portrayed as the “good girl” so RIP Mia sis took it to the grave. Mia has taught us to take the secret to the grave and that’s all I have on her! LOL NO NO , she has also shown us unconditional love because she loved Lance through it all! 

In each of these women, we see ourselves , a cousin, a friend ,aunt,  at various stages of growth and we can extend a huge round of applause to Malcolm for making it relatable.These women showed us the best of themselves , the ugly and the not so good. 

All of this with the overcasting of building friendship , maintaining marriages, motherhood, womanhood , relationships ( dem men) careers and LIFE.

We are some flawed human beings but isn’t that the beauty?  I am grateful for spaces in my own life that I can show up as my hot mess loving self through my  friendships. I loved how they were able to do it through film.

Malcolm and crew did a great job of not pretending to fit everything into this neat box. I can see myself in each of these ladies at different phases of my own life. 

Jordan because baby we need them coins and we are going to work hard and get them . But wait , I also need to take care of myself.  I see myself in Robyn, keeping hope alive while screaming to her partner“choose me” and ultimately being  selfish and packing up everything (kid not included )  .. Candice ..pivoting her dream  after a setback . reinventing herself and picking herself up .. Shelby.. confident,,secretive , loves OUT LOUD, flashy and a genuine good friend. 

Life is messy but it is also beautiful and no one can write your story or tell yours better than you.. Embrace the mess , take care of yourself ,embrace the love , pivot when you need to and show off every chance you can get.

Making the best of the human experience: SOLO travel

Horseback riding in Jamaica. The guides were flirts of course LOL but he was taking some good pics!! 

Pretty obvious Where  I was ?! Can you spot me?

Flying to Jamaica

I have been thinking ( always thinking in my head) what is next for my writing? In bed it came to me “Making the best of this human experience , A series. My brain really thinks like this lol. I talked a little bit about The human experience  in my previous post . Go check it out . The human experience is the good, the not so good , the challenging and the down right ugly. So the series will allow all of that. 

 So part 1 of my series is SOLO TRAVEL: I pay rent , bills and Travel SOLO,  here’s how I do it in planning less than 3 months.

A part of this came from the influencers who I see are wondering aimlessly around the globe  every month and In my mind I’m like,” how yall doing this?” I saw some share “ my job allows me to travel” others said“ I save my money and spend it on travel. In my mind I’m thinking Sis , what about those bills? You paying them and traveling everyyy month?! HOW??! LOL But, deep down a lot of people BE LYING lol theres no other way to put it. Maybe not all of them are lying BUT, Although I have my leave ( A TON) and I am entitled to use it as I please. People are BEING PAID to travel AND ..us average working people are not. Lol HOWEVER, it is doable. So, what is traveling like for us 9-5 folks?!

Let me first preface this by saying I am NOT an expert on this subject. Winging it is my motto.(.* insert* has been because , my money these days are going to a bigger project(experience), I’m super excited about and I will reveal at a later date). I don’t travel as often as I would like because, that is not my reality but 2-4 times a year is my average.

So, I wanted to share my perspective as a single lady paying these not so single bills with a full time job , a puppy dog and how I’ve been able to travel solo without paid sponsorships. It sounds risky and I can’t lie it is lol because every trip from 2018 ( my first trip) I’ve literally “winged it” . I booked my  most recent trip to Curacao 2 months in advance. Jamaica was a month in advance and St. Maarten was I believe 2-3 moths in advance. SIs IS LAST MINUTE  and being a teacher this is unacceptable especially when we get the full years calendar at the beginning of the school year but I digress because thats my business. 

I took my first solo trip ever   in 2018 to Jamaica because I love Jamaica and I wish I could go every year but ,I need to see other parts of the world lol. I went to Montego Bay . This was my second time visiting jamaica but first time solo.  I was a ball of emotions excited, nervous and wrote in my journal my intentions for the trip. Packing and planning were easy because I was ready to go. However, when I had to call that uber 5:00 in the morning it was pitch black dark and it hit me like nah sis its just you and my nervousness hit me again when I found myself looking for somebody to meet me at the airport because It felt so strange doing this alone. My mom and friends were nervous for me as well and required on the hour updates. The flight was smooth , I slept most of the way and when I landed they welcomed me with my rum punch all was well in the world. 

How can I afford it? I have a sugar daddy j/k . My money goes to traveling  and experiencing  DATS IT. (Bills too ) .Yes, I love to shop and I love nice things  but , I love traveling more.  I also have a cushion for travel expenses/ experiences that I occasionally do good with saving :-/

I did a live on FB while I was in Jamaica and let my folks know I was safe and when I got back I did another live about my trip and I got asked “ were you  scared?” How did you  do it?” , and request such as“You will have to plan my next trip” and a lot of people were saying they wanted to do it too. 

So , I’m putting my top 11 solo traveling tips all in a live document for you to reference mm k .

1. Find the flight first. I’ve book vacation packages before ( flight+ hotel) but sometimes, I want to just find a good deal and go from there so , I look at the flights first. Especially during these times (post-ish pandemic) the prices are insane, But, if you find a good deal , that can determine your next vacation. I found a good deal for Curacao and ran with it. If you financially can't book the flight right now, some airlines will allow you to put the flight on hold for up to 14 days to lock in the price.

2. Find your hotel. If you can't financially get  that room yet,find a hotel that will let you book now and pay when you get there and no pentailites for cancellations. Once, you’ve locked in a hotel, double check with the hotel for transportation to and from the airport. I forget to do this sometimes lol

3. Find all inclusive hotels. . This is the safer option and bang for your buck. You can drink all ya want and not have to worry about those late night uber trips alone. Also , Double check for transportation options to and from the airport. Which leads me to number 4. 

4. Look into renting a car. Remember me always winging it? I actually forgot to double check transportation in Curacao and ended up renting a car as this was the cheaper option because uber prices were insane. BUDGET IN TRANSPORTATION.

5. Find friendly people who will take all your pics. This is the budget friendly option lol Now influencers have changed the game now you can actually rent local photographers to take all those exclusive flicks.

6. Check out the local social or websites for local events to do away from the hotel. BEFORE IT GETS DARK. 

7. Make sure you see how the locals live and eat . This is by far my favorite thing to do. The hotel food is cool but have you eaten jerk chicken from a hut?! And fresh cassava right out the coal oven?  Or FRESH SNAPPER pulled right out the ocean and cooked right in front of you?It will change your life .

8. Don’t let strangers know ya business.  Don’t tell people you are alone. I always stick with “ My friend is coming in tonight” “I am about to meet my friend and her husband for dinner”  “My man is coming down in a few minutes” . Something LOL Unless you want a little international boo don’t say that one …but you know add a little razzle dazzle! 

9. Book your excursions at the hotel . Most  international hotels require transportation  to have taxi licenses to access the resort so at least you will know these drives are “approved” . You can also use sites like tripadvisor to check the reviews before booking. 

10. On the side of caution! be careful cheaper is not always best! there are a lot of side hustles with the tourist industry and sometime these individuals do not run their business legally, I’ve seen tour buses get pulled over by the police for expired licenses or failure to update their insurance and inspections. The people who booked with these “companies”unfortunately ,are stranded on the side of the road for hours ,often times not able to make it to their excursions and risk a possibility of losing their money due to booking through third party companies.

11.  HAVE FUN and BE SAFE!! Book the days that are within your budget . You don’t have to stay everywhere for 5-6 days. It adds up lol .  Go back to number 9 and try to find all day excursions if your time is limited. 

Traveling is living .  Traveling is the human experience. It doesn't have to be out of the country in fact my last trip was a staycation right in D.C . I work hard and I want my human experience to reflect a life of good times and experiences in between all the working. You deserve that too.

Where to next? It’ll be one of the 50 states , I do want to take the train one day and explore more of the 50 states. I have a few places in mind. I am grateful for this human experience of seeing the world and enjoying my own company. Navigating all the emotions solo traveling brings , feeling confident in my ability to make my own decisions and following my instincts. Who Knows , the next trip might be a little baecation ;-) that one is LONG overdue. 

Have you taken a solo trip where did you go? If not Where are you taking your first solo trip? Let me know in the comments.

If you have a friend who you think would appreciate these tips , please share :-) 

Had some local eats during the boat ride. 2 friends were traveling together and they were HILARIOUS. We had a goodt time!

Took a boat ride to Anguilla while in St. Maarten

St. MaArteen WAS beautiful!

Beyoncé and The Red Lip Theologian invitation to celebrate womanhood and Authenticity

Before “Church Girl” made its debut to our ears from Beyoncé ‘s pen  . I have to rewind to January 24, 2022  when I first laid hands and eyes on Red Lip Theology by Candice Marie Benbow. Candice Marie Benbow is  a multi- genre theologian and the author of Red Lip Theology. Red Lip Theology gave voice, perspective and words to the very thoughts and questions I was having as a black Christian woman. Now, not only is Candice serving MAC’s Ruby Woo realness on the front cover. She took the title of her first book a step further . Get into the full title :  Red lip theology: “For church girls who’ve considered tithing to the beauty supply store when Sunday morning isn’t enough”  *Clutch pearls*

As soon as you open you will read words on the inside cover  like “Radical authenticity , thelogican , reimagining faith as a tool of liberation and “transformation for women and girls”. “ A theologian”  and words like “sexuality , “embracing alternative spirituality, “ “womanist theology” , “body positivity and LGBTQIA+ rights. “

As a bonafide Church Girl reading all those words together on one page told me, I may have found somewhere to lay my burdens down like the old saints would say. It was  time to  buckle up and get ready for the ride to finding freedom in my scared body and humanity as a black woman.

It makes sense that when listening to  Beyoncé ” Church Girl” which comes on after “Break my Soul” her anthem to self freedom and denouncing everything that tries to break our soul  but can’t, …that Candice M.  Benbow came to all of our minds that know her work. Before Red Lip Theology,  it was “The Lemonade Syllabus” giving us a SOLID collection of words celebrating black womanhood  using Beyonce’s lemonade album as its focal point. 

Red Lip in my opinion is the groundwork  to “Church Girl”. So much so that Candice’s folks (me included) just knew when Beyoncé released the track list , and we saw the title “Church Girl”, that Candice would make a surprise visit on the track.  Woven throughout, Red Lip  is the theme of sacredness , real life and our growing pains and victories, forgiveness,  freedom, faith , authenticity  and how this is tied into the saving grace of God in our humanity.  Candice was raised by a single mother who did a phenomenal job to raise a young lady to find her voice even if it didn’t quite reflect her own. However, Candice noticed different conversations  were being held behind her single  mother’s back that didn't quite match the sermons being preached from the pulpit. This caused Candice to question a lot of what she saw and believed. This early exposure opened the door to her finding her own voice about  faith , freedom, womanhood and what that means to her outside of the church.

Candice found her own authentic voice through a series of events such as heartbreak, saying “peace out to her Ph.D” ,breaking away from the institution of the Church , graduating from Duke divinity School ,  forgiveness , mistakes , community , the loss of her mother and if you follow her you know God speaks to her through baking! We can find a bit of us in this black woman who continues to challenge us to find our own  faith and invites us to take this lifelong journey with her while discovering our own. 

Besides the connection to Lemonade Syllabus and Shifting our whole perspective on what it truly means to walk radically with authenticity in Red Lip Theology. Candice's sentiments around freedom of sexuality and Beyoncé s sentiments   in “church girl” encouraging and supporting us to “drop it like a thotty” , AND“ bring the life up in your body” . I can’t help but stan and have deep appreciation for being a black woman. They both allowed us to be OK with sitting in the duality of our womanhood.

The church and the government are obsessed with our bodies. The bodies that we carry yet feel burdened by the pressure of what and how we should carry it and with whom we should carry it with. Candice's authenticity with liberation and womanhood  includes freedom to make choices about our bodies matching the same lyrics of Beyoncé “ drop it like a thotty “ and “bring the life up in your body.” 

It’s both freeing and our birth right to experience wholeness. Wholeness … with our bodies. Wholeness also includes the foolishness we have the emotional and mental bandwidth to support that is justified by free will.  Even if  that includes what Beyoncé says ” getting that name tatted if we want to” because that is your business. 

Candice in Red Lip says “Any intentional act meant to disrupt our flourishing and block the light from within us is what is sinful.” So, me choosing to agree with Beyoncé to  “Let go of this body and ..love on me “ ain't blocking the light for me or you. It is indeed giving our light permission to shine. On the other hand, striving for perfection however , is a sin. 

“God doesn’t expect perfection from us , yet we place that expectation on ourselves .”

Beyonce encourages us to “let it go girl”.. Let it go on the dance floor but also, I think she is encouraging us to let the false narratives go, let the self doubt go, let the fear go, let the perfectionist go. 

Candice and Beyoncé remind me, that the church girl can be both “poppin it like a thotty, while also loving a good grey sweatpant print that fit just right  AND fully understand and embrace Christ consciousness . Jesus wasn’t hanging out with perfect people nor was he forcing them to be perfect. Jesus showed us that he was about his fathers business , walked in that truth in that purpose and the people pulled up. Pulled up with their humanity however beautiful or ugly it was. Jesus held onto that Truth in allowing the people to be exactly who they were because if we all bear the image of God and to live the life God gave us. Jesus knew no matter how much the people were peopling, God still got me. That includes the embodying of all our characteristics. Jesus was always on assignment and showed us how to move when we are on assignment.

In our flaws , God trusts and loves us still.  Will we fall short ? yes ,every time. Guess what?Jesus didn’t judge yet we find ourselves being judged right in the places that we say is led by the spirit, Especially when it comes to our bodies. 

That’s not to take away from humans being humans. Because US  people be peopleing” Candice said it best  “God also knew creation would be triffling, Humanity. People. People would be trifling. People are trifling-doing the most with the absolute least.”

Yes WE can be trifling and still authentically whole and worthy. 

Beyoncé and Candice both encourage us to find authenticity within our bodies. We can be both holy and ratchet . We can find God and connect with God outside of the church. We can find our community outside of the church ( random drunk girls in the bathroom on a  Saturday night can become your family ) We can question , we can dig into our ancestral spirituality  . Candice shared

“The reclamation of our right to healthy sexuality and true intimacy is the work our ancestors could not complete. It is our Sankofa” and I believe that.

This resonated with me when Candice wrote, “I think God cares whether I’m a fundamentally good human being. Beyoncé shares that same sentiment reflecting on the importance of being a good human being , when she said“ Don’t hurt nobody” and closing it with .”I aint trying to hurt nobody, trying to bring the life up in your body”. 

We can’t experience “life” if we don’t embrace our body. Our healing. Mind. Body and Soul.  For our bodies are a manifestation of God and if you honor your body everything will change. Honoring your body can look like you poppin it like a thotty or not…

Authenticity is your truth , seeing the good in ourselves just like God does. Even though God knows FULL, GOOD and WELL we are still  going to  be human. But God loves us deeply. Authenticity is  a lifelong journey . As Beyoncé opened up with, “We can be centered in thy will” and in the completion of that, we can also be fully fully flawed.  “Bringing the life up in your body” is God’s will for your life and how you get there is rooted in you being true to yourself. The truth also holds that it won’t be perfect , it won’t be easy , it will be scary , you will have to unlearn and relearn  forever. When we begin to embrace that we have always been whole and worthy we can finally learn how to “release the wiggle” and embrace the experience in which Beyoncé describes  as “I’m finally on the other side.”

Candice has wrote about her experience with this song in this article   “Beyoncé invites church girls to celebrate their freedom” 

https://religionnews.com/2022/07/30/renaissance-beyonce-invites-church-girls-to-celebrate-their-freedom/

Red Lip Theology 

https://www.amazon.com/Red-Lip-Theology-Considered-Tithing-ebook/dp/B09287G18Y